Kids Say the Darndest Things
by giftofamber
Summary: Clarissa Marler, Blake's daughter, has a crush on Emma, and decides that to be just like Emma, she wants two mommies too. Blake hears this, goes out drinking, and finds Doris, just hanging out, in a gay bar.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: This fic was inspired by Catherine Crouch's One Small Step, which is a short film set in the 60s in which there is a young girl who says, 'Mama, when I grow up, I wanna marry Peggy'.

Blake never dreamed she'd be having this discussion with her daughter. Not in a million years. Sure, kids are always saying things parents don't expect, but this was completely a conversation from outer space. Clarissa had arrived home from camp and popped a question that had simply blown her mind, "Mom, how do I get Emma to kiss me?"

"You want Emma to kiss you?" Blake's eyes glazed over momentarily, but to her credit, she recovered quickly.

Clarissa nodded profusely, hardly noticing her mother's reaction, "Yes! She's sooo pretty, and smart, and she has this cute laugh, and I think she likes me too, but every time I think she's going to kiss me, she turns all red and mumbles something about how she has to go home."

"Honey, sometimes you have to be patient. What does she do that makes you think she likes you?" Blake smiled and offered her daughter some ice cream. She would so be going to Farley's tonight. She was going to need some pretty hefty shots after this.

"Um, she used to change in front of me at sleepovers, but now she either makes me turn around or goes to change in the bathroom. She won't look at me directly in the eyes, and she keeps blushing and giggling. Plus, she wrote me a note," Clarissa offered proudly.

"And this note said?"

Clarissa sighed dreamily, "Do you like me? Check here for yes."

"That sounds promising. How about you invite her to go clothes shopping with us for school?"

Clarissa gave her mother a huge bear hug, "Thanks, Mom! You're the best!" She scooted off to the telephone, leaving Blake to finish the ice cream.

Blake sighed. Ok, so her daughter liked girls, and apparently, so did Emma Spencer. It wasn't the end of the world, and she should be happy her daughter trusted her enough to have this conversation. She worked very hard to ensure that Clarissa had a better relationship with her than she had had with her own mother. For a moment, she thought of calling her mother for support. Just how would Holly react? As she always did: 'you were always such a strange child.' She smiled at the thought and texted her instead, 'mom, I love you.'

While she was thinking about it, she texted Daisy as well, 'Hey, could you watch Clarissa tonight? I need to go out.' After all, Daisy still owed her for covering when she had wanted to go out with James. She was elated to see the instantaneous response, 'Daisy's babysitting service will fill all your needs. Cover for me tomorrow? I'm invited to a Spaulding "family meeting".' She replied back, 'sure, sounds intriguing,' and put her cell phone away. "Clarissa, are you still on the phone?"

"Sorry, mom! I'll be off in a few minutes," Clarissa responded.

Blake rolled her eyes and started on dinner. So much for the whole waiting until she was a teenager to be on the phone for all hours thing. Wasn't Clarissa too young to be having crushes and talking on the phone for hours on end? She ought to call Olivia and Natalia; they'd have a field day with this. She ought to, but she didn't. She wanted to sit and contemplate by herself with a very dry martini. She called to Clarissa again, "Time to get off the phone. Daisy's coming over, and you need to eat dinner."

Clarissa bounced back into the room, grinning from ear to ear, "Her moms said yes!"

Blake smiled, "Why wouldn't they? Start setting the table. Dinner's almost ready."

"Pizza again?"

"Ha, ha, very funny. It's grilled chicken and vegetables," Blake shook her head. Even her own daughter wouldn't eat her cooking half the time. Ross had though. She felt a pang of grief as she thought about all the moments he would be missing from Clarissa's life. First crush, first date, first wedding (hey, it is Springfield after all; everyone gets married more than once).

"Mom! You're burning the chicken!" Clarissa exclaimed in exasperation.

Smoke and her daughter's warning pulled Blake back into the present. She took the chicken off the burner, turned off the stove, and opened the window before lamenting, "Frak! Totally burnt. Well, sweetie, I guess you got your wish. Pizza again." Blake had called for pizza so often the pizza place was not only on speed dial, she'd memorized the number.

Clarissa felt bad for her mom and moved to hug her, "It's ok. I'll find you a number two mom who can cook, just like Emma found one for her mom."

Blake had no idea how to respond. Emma, little sweet Emma Spencer, was responsible for getting her two mommies together? Olivia's daughter out-manipulating the master manipulator of Springfield. Somehow it all made sense. "Thanks, honey, but your mom isn't really looking for anyone. Your dad was a hard act to follow. Just because Emma has two mommies doesn't mean you need two mommies too."

Clarissa's mind was already reeling with the possibilities. She knew just who she wanted to set her mother up with, and she needed Emma's help for it. She grinned mischievously, "Whatever you say, mom."


	2. Chapter 2

When Daisy finally arrived to watch Clarissa, Blake practically bolted out the door. She only barely registered the 'Ladies Night' sign as she entered Farley's. She just needed to get drunk and contemplate life, the universe, and everything. Blake sat down on the first empty bar stool she saw—in between someone wearing a fedora and a trenchcoat and what looked to be a young, female doctoral student (if the backpack was any indicator) who was clearly dressed to be getting some action. She slipped the bartender some cash and said, "I'll have a Long Island Iced Tea, please."

"Blake?" The fedora-clad woman sitting next to her exclaimed in horror.

Blake looked over, realizing who was sitting next to her, "Oh, hi, Doris. Listen, I've had a really strange day, so I really don't need any lectures, ok?"

"But what are you doing *here*?" Doris's mind was racing. First, Olivia, and now Blake? The town gossip? She may as well kiss her political career goodbye. Did the universe seriously hate her that much?

"Alcohol, bar, what's so confusing?" Blake's tone was uncharacteristically caustic. She was tired and had a lot to think about. Clarissa's comments earlier that day had only made Blake realize how alone she was and how alone she didn't want to be. She couldn't mourn Ross forever; it wasn't healthy, and she knew it.

Doris was incredulous. She didn't think even Blake was that naïve, "You don't know?"

"Know what?" Obviously, she was missing something. Blake didn't really care what-her only concern was getting drunk as quickly as possible-but she would play along.

"I believe what she is trying to say is that tonight is Ladies Night," the bartender winked at Blake. She handed Blake her drink and on the napkin was scribbled a phone number and 'if you get bored of her, call me'.

"Here I thought 'Ladies Night' meant I got half off on my drinks," Blake joked. Apparently, Farley's had a gay night. She'd never really paid attention. Not that she cared if anyone made any assumptions; she'd spent time in Europe in her younger days and had done some 'experimenting', but overall, she'd found men easier to control and easier to live with. Still, if she ever did find the 'right woman', Clarissa just might get her wish. Who would believe that Clarissa had wanted two mommies? Who would believe she'd have ended up in Farley's on gay night and run into someone she knew? "So, Doris, what are you doing here?"

"I…"

"Wait, you know what: I've already had enough surprises for one day," On the one hand, Blake did want to know, and on the other hand, she didn't.

Doris suddenly knew where this was headed. She'd gone there with Olivia a hundred times by now. "I suppose you want to talk about it."

"With Doris the 'Big Bad Wolf'? Who used to lovingly refer to me as 'that Marler nit-wit'?" Blake had never seen Doris act nicely to anyone, and it seemed very peculiar that she was all of a sudden trying to be all chummy with her.

Doris sighed, "Now, there's a side of Blake I haven't seen in a while…maybe even years. Thought you'd grown soft."

Blake suddenly felt bad for snapping at her, "I just…I told you; it must be a full moon or something. I'm sorry; I am trying to be a better person."

"Well, the old Blake would certainly never have apologized."

"Thank you. I suppose you want to know what's got me so worked up."

"No. But you've got that look Olivia Spencer always gives me that says you're going to tell me regardless, so just out with it."

"Funny you should mention Olivia Spencer."

Doris raised an eyebrow, "What, did she kiss you or something?" After all, Blake had known about Olivia and Natalia for a while as Nat's employer and confidant.

Blake blushed, "What? No, she's still in love with Natalia."

"Okay…" Doris prompted.

"It's my daughter, Clarissa" Blake stirred her drink. "She decided she likes Olivia's daughter, Emma."

"You don't like her being friends with….oh…" Doris looked shell-shocked. A child had more courage than she did. She would never have thought of 'coming out' to her mother at Clarissa's age.

"It's not that I don't like it. I don't know how I feel about it," Blake sighed. "That wasn't all: she's determined that she needs two mommies to fit in with Emma."

Doris smiled slightly, "That's cute. Did she have anyone in mind?"

"No…at least I don't think so. Why?"

"Because if she's got Emma's help, you're not going to be single for very long," Doris chuckled.

Blake laughed, "Emma was really that instrumental in getting Olivia and Natalia together?"

"The peanut butter on the PB&J," Doris joked, "Do you really think either one of them had any choice in the matter? She's Olivia Spencer's daughter, for crying out loud."

"Well, it doesn't really matter because I informed my daughter that I find my own dates," Blake asserted.

Doris smiled, "Good for you. Don't worry; I'll be glad to perform the commitment ceremony for you and your daughter's other mommy."

Blake giggled. She was starting to feel better, more comfortable and relaxed, "Were you always this easy to talk to?"

"That depends."

"So…you like women?"

Doris tensed up, "What do you want to keep this quiet?"

"Huh? Nothing…just…did you always know you liked women or was it like Olivia and you woke up one day and decided you wanted something different?"

Doris answered, "No…I've always liked women."

Blake winked, "Tell me. Did you ever, you know, like me?" She wasn't sure why she was asking. Maybe it was the alcohol, maybe it was a needed ego boost, maybe it was loneliness, or maybe it was the fact that Doris looked amazingly attractive right now. She found herself wondering what was hidden underneath the trenchcoat.

Slightly taken aback, Doris grinned, "Blake Marler, if I didn't know better, I'd say you were hitting on me. I'm cutting you off."

"Were you planning to take me home too?" Blake flirted. Maybe tonight wouldn't be such a total waste.

"I certainly can't let you take yourself home like this. Let's go," Doris sighed. She knew Blake had no idea the effect she was having on her, and unlike many of her one night stands, she'd actually have to see Blake in the future, so she was going to have to be good.

The car ride was fairly quiet and uneventful-well, except for Blake's wandering hands that Doris had to keep pushing away. Upon stopping the car, Doris got out and opened the passenger side door for Blake before walking her up to her door. She was going to make sure Blake got inside safely, and if she told herself that enough times, maybe she'd convince herself it had nothing to do with the electricity running through her body.

Blake touched Doris's arm suggestively, "Would you like to come in?"

"Didn't anyone ever tell you it isn't nice for a straight woman to tease a lesbian?" Doris moaned. Blake was not playing fair.

"When did I say I was straight?" Had Doris actually asked Blake, she would have responded that an orgasm was an orgasm regardless of the gender of the person giving it to her, but Doris hadn't asked. She'd assumed.

Doris explained, "When you married Ross Marler."

Blake countered, "You married Alan Spaulding."

"It was never consummated."

"Never?"

"Never. He wasn't exactly the Spaulding I was interested in at the time," Doris admitted. It felt good to be honest for once in her life.

"Beth?" Blake's eyes opened wide, "You and BETH?"

"Shh. Not so loud," Doris looked around. With her luck, Blake had woken up the entire neighborhood.

"I thought you two hated each other back then," Blake marveled with this new information.

Despite her best efforts to remain cold and distant, Doris giggled, "That's what you were supposed to think. There's a reason it's called staying in the closet."

"Wow, I didn't need that visual," Blake felt oddly…jealous. She suddenly looked directly into Doris's eyes, "Is that why you wore a fedora and trenchcoat tonight?"

Doris responded just as seriously, "Yes."

"But you're not wearing it now?" Blake smiled broadly.

"No, I guess not," Doris had been a bit distracted and left them in the car. Maybe it was intentional on a subconscious level. Freud would have a field day with that one. Somehow all she could think about was Blake's smile. She'd used to tease Ross about how he couldn't keep his hands off of Blake, 'a slave to sex', and here she was, finding it more and more impossible to keep her head off of that very topic.

As if she could sense where Doris's mind and eyes were going-she did wear low cut clothing for a reason, Blake moved in closer so that their lips were a hairsbreadth apart and put her arms around Doris, "Good."

The resulting kiss lasted a solid 30 seconds before either of them was willing to come up for air. Anyone watching would have thought the two of them had never before felt human contact and had fully melded into the other. Anyone watching would have sensed the intense desire exuding from the very core of their beings. But it wasn't just 'anyone' watching.

Little did Doris and Blake know that their observer was none other than Clarissa Marler, watching and plotting from the upstairs window.


	3. Chapter 3

The promised shopping trip had taken place as planned with only a little moaning from the two girls that they were being well chaperoned. Blake did think the two of them looked rather cute together…as long as they stayed young and innocent that is. The only hint of anything unusual came on the ride home.

"Blake, can we please show Aunt Doris our new clothes? My mommies won't be home for an hour anyway," Emma asked from the backseat of the car.

Clarissa begged from the front passenger side, "Oh, mom, please? She just *has* to see my new hat!"

Blake gave her daughter a suspicious side glance. She couldn't possibly have seen…no, Clarissa had been in bed when she'd gotten home the night before. Still, when had the two girls become so close with Doris of all people? Blake decided to ask just that, "Honey, since when have the two of you been such good friends with the Mayor?"

Clarissa thought for a second, "She's always over at Emma's. She says I remind her of Ashlee. Can we, mom, please?"

Blake looked at her daughter. On the one hand, this was an excuse to see Doris, which was making her giddy. On the other hand, she was wearing…'mom' clothes, and they'd only had their sort-of first date. Plus, if she were to see Doris in front of her daughter, Clarissa would quickly figure out things that Blake wasn't quite ready to tell her. She opted for a compromise, "Ok, but I'm staying in the car."

"Mom, don't be…" Clarissa started, suddenly feeling a kick resonating from the seat behind her.

"It's fine. Thanks, Blake," Emma smiled. All she had to do was convince Doris to come outside-piece of cake for someone with her wily ways.

Doris wasn't surprised when Emma strolled into her office without knocking during her treasured 'alone time' the following afternoon, just like her mother always seemed to do. What shouldn't have surprised her in light of last night's…discussion…with Blake was that Blake's daughter, Clarissa, was holding Emma's hand. Emma couldn't possibly have heard about what had happened between her and Blake already, right? Surely Blake hadn't gone home and immediately mentioned it to Clarissa. She inquired briskly, "Can I help you girls?"

"Aunt Doris, you remember Clarissa, right? Clarissa, this is my Aunt Doris," Emma started her introductions with her eyes twinkling.

"Yes, honey, I know Clarissa. It's nice to see you both…here…together…in my office," Doris knew something was up, but with these girls, something could be just about anything.

Clarissa smiled shyly, "I wanted to show you my new hat."

"Aw, honey, that's sweet," Doris was still mildly suspicious.

"It's just like yours, a grey fedora," Clarissa gave her best innocent smile.

Doris couldn't help laughing, "I'm flattered. Why on earth would you want to imitate me?"

"Well, Emma told me that wearing a hat means you're a lesbian, so now everyone will know that I'm a lesbian just like you. Isn't it great?"

The instantaneous look of horror on Doris's face defied description. A whirlwind of thoughts ran through her head, not the least of which included the very real prospect of the entire town finding out her secret through word of mouth of well-meaning children. "Emma…who…else…did you tell?"

"Nobody. My mommy said you wanted it to be a secret, but you're not supposed to keep secrets from your best friend," Emma blushed. "She said she wouldn't tell."

Clarissa looked apologetic, "I didn't tell anyone…but…there's nothing wrong with being a lesbian, so why does it matter if people know?"

"I'm just…a private person. You'll understand when you get older, but for now, let's keep it between us, ok?" Doris's blood pressure began to slow back down to normal.

"I can still wear the hat?"

"Yes, you can still wear the hat."

"Then, ok. But only if you come with us to get ice cream," Clarissa bartered.

Doris sighed, "Honey, I have a lot of work to do."

"I'll tell my mommy you agreed to bake cookies with her for the church picnic," Emma smirked.

Doris sighed. She didn't know which part of that threat was worse, the baking or the inevitable questions Natalia would ask that she'd have to answer. Plus, she really didn't want to deal with the pile of paperwork on her desk. She was actually tempted, "Sure, why not?"

Clarissa smiled broadly, "Great! Let's go tell my mom!" The two girls literally tugged Doris out the door and to the car, leading Doris to wonder if there was a larger meaning to their request than just ice cream. They couldn't know, could they?

As Blake heard the inevitable noise of the girls' return, she looked up and turned quite pale when she saw that Doris was accompanying them. Oh G-d, she knew…Clarissa knew…how did she…Blake suddenly felt like getting very drunk as she felt herself blush. Wait…Clarissa had said she'd find her a girlfriend…maybe Doris was the only single lesbian they knew…that was possible, right? No panicking until absolutely necessary. This would be an afternoon out with her daughter, her daughter's girlfriend, and her…date. How was it possible for a woman to look so absolutely ravishing in such unfashionable clothing? Just further motivation to get those clothes off of her as quickly as possible, she giggled to herself.


	4. Chapter 4

The girls dragged Doris to the car with such speed that she didn't have a chance to panic-much. How would Blake react to seeing her? Would she be freaked out by how she had behaved at Farley's and their goodnight kiss, or would she be pleasantly surprised? Was she in on the girls' scheme? Had she told Clarissa anything? Somehow she managed to convey all these questions and the emotions behind them with the simple words, "Hey…Blake."

"Doris," Blake felt a blush beginning to form on her cheeks and immediately squashed it, remembering where they were. Doris wasn't out, after all, and they were in public: outside the Mayor's office; Blake knew what politics were like with journalists snooping around in every corner looking for a story; after all, she had been on both ends of the spectrum, as both the Springfield blogger and the Mayor-Elect once upon a time. She turned her focus to her daughter, "Clarissa, honey, what's going on?"

Emma piped up, "Aunt Doris is coming with us for ice cream."

"Well, she just looked so lonely up there in that big office, and we wanted to cheer her up," Clarissa clutched Emma's hand for support against her mother's 'just wait til we get home' disciplinary gaze.

Blake took a deep breath and counted to ten before she responded. Her daughter meant well, and she admitted to herself that yelling at her daughter would be quite hypocritical considering the number of times she herself had been guilty of matchmaking. "Sweetie, Aunt Doris has that big office because she has a very important job. Just like your Dad did. She has to do a lot of work to keep the town running smoothly. She can't just up and come with us for ice cream anytime she wants…"

"Actually, the youth of Springfield are one of my top priorities as Mayor. They are the future after all," Doris countered. Political responses were her forte. She worked hard to make sure no one knew what she was really thinking. "As a matter of fact, Clarissa, how would you like to spend a day with me at the office getting to see just what the 'Mayor of Springfield' does everyday?"

Clarissa perked up, "Really? Can Emma come too?"

Doris had had a feeling that Clarissa would jump at the chance, as both her parents had been politicians (Ross was Mayor and Senator-Elect, and Blake was Mayor-Elect). Emma had political potential as well with all her scheming. Maybe someday they'd run the town together, she smiled, "Sure, if she's interested."

Emma squealed, "If I'm interested? Yes, oh, yes! Thank you, Aunt Doris!" She immediately enveloped Doris in a big bear hug. Not only would it allow her time to spend with Clarissa, but it would also give her more time to help Clarissa get her very own two mommies, just like her.

Blake shook her head and smiled, "I know when I'm outnumbered. Ok, everyone get in the car and buckle up. Aunt Doris gets shotgun." Once everyone was seated in the car and Blake had begun to drive, she casually asked Doris, "So what did you think of Clarissa's hat?"

Doris coughed, "Um, it was nice."

Clarissa piped up from the backseat, "Mom, we can't talk about that. That's a secret. I promised Aunt Doris."

Blake responded, "You promised Aunt Doris you wouldn't talk about your hat? The one you were so proud of?"

"Mom…"

"Doris, why would you make her promise not to talk about her hat?" Blake was confused.

"Well…I…uh…can we talk about this later?" Doris pleaded.

"I want Clarissa to feel she can tell me anything," Blake continued.

Doris sighed, "Clarissa, go ahead and tell your mom what we talked about."

"Really?"

"Yes, really. Your mom's right; you shouldn't keep secrets from her," Doris braced herself for Blake's reaction when she found out the 'secret'.

"Well, Mom, at first Aunt Doris said she liked my hat and then she asked me why I got a hat that looked like hers and then I told her that I was wearing it so everyone knew I was a lesbian just like her, and she yelled at Emma, and made me promise to keep it a secret," Clarissa took a deep breath. Keeping secrets from her mom was hard work. How on earth did Emma manage to do it?

Blake turned pale, "Honey, Aunt Doris is right. We need to keep that a family secret ok? Between you, me, Emma, and Emma's two mommies. Aunt Doris could lose her job, and we don't want that."

"Why would Aunt Doris lose her job?" Clarissa asked.

Blake chose her words carefully, "Remember I told you about when Daddy lost his job in the Senate because people didn't like us being together?"

Clarissa thought for a moment, "Yeah, I remember. I still think that was silly."

"Politics are very silly sometimes." Blake admitted.

"Well, I think you're the best mommy in the whole world, and if anyone tries to take Aunt Doris's job because of the two of you being together, they'll have to deal with me," Clarissa was resolute. No one would mess with her two mommies, even if one of them wasn't official yet.

Emma squeezed Clarissa's hand for support, "Me too."

Doris sputtered, "Clarissa, honey, did you just say…"

The last thing Blake needed to deal with while driving was to wonder exactly how much her daughter knew about her budding relationship with Doris. So, she did what she always did when she was in a sticky situation: distracted herself. Steering with her left hand, Blake put her right hand on Doris's leg, "Just say thank you."

"Thank you," Doris obliged, a blush creeping over her face, as she lost her train of thought, focusing solely on Blake's hand moving slowly up her leg.

A chorus of "your welcome" came from the back seat followed by silence. Doris checked the rear view mirror and saw that Emma had her eyes closed and appeared to be sleeping on Clarissa's shoulder while Clarissa held her gently. "So, um, where exactly are we going?"

"I thought you'd rather we went a little ways out of town to avoid any…unwanted reporters," Blake replied, her hand continuing to wander ever so slightly, causing Doris to squirm a bit in her seat.

Doris checked the rear view mirror again before replying: the last thing she needed was Clarissa to get any ideas on seduction from her mother. Poor Emma wouldn't stand a chance. She put her hand on Blake's in an effort to clear her head. What had Blake said? Something about avoiding reporters. She responded, "Wow, that's very thoughtful of you."

Doris was impressed with Blake's political acumen. She'd sort of thought of Blake's political career as a thing of the past, but she supposed that politics were sort of like riding a bicycle: something a person doesn't forget.

"I have learned a little bit about how to avoid the press and how to spin potential scandals. You know, I used to be head of PR at Spaulding a long time ago," Blake smiled. She'd come a long way since then. She'd begun with a reputation as a scarlet woman, as Roger Thorpe's daughter, and developed it into that of an upstanding member of the community.

"And now you're a waitress? I'm sorry; I didn't mean it like that," Doris backtracked, cursing her lack of tact. Her sarcasm had struck again. "It's just…"

"Why would someone with my background become a waitress?" Blake was oddly not offended by the bluntness of the question. She'd come to question it herself of late. "Well, a few years ago, I realized, with a little help from my friends, that my priorities were a bit mixed up. I was so obsessed with power and control and what everyone else thought of me that I forgot what's important in life. So I stepped back, left politics for a while, and took a job where I could focus on my daughter and getting my head straight. Maybe someday I'll get back into it, but if I do, it will be for the right reasons."

Something in Blake's words resonated in Doris. Maybe she and Blake really did have more in common than she'd thought. She'd nearly destroyed her own daughter Ashlee with her need for power. "You know, sometimes I think about getting out of politics too."

"Yeah, but someone has to make this world a better place, and given a choice, I'm glad that person is you," Blake grinned as she pulled into the parking lot of a small ice cream shop. "We're here."


End file.
